i don't know yet. i was thinking about how when people have kids, they are their pride & joy. however, as their little pride & joy grows up into the world, they change--of course people change, but in our world today; all the violence, loss of respect, drugs, diseases, pre-marital sex / raging hormones, prostitution, rape, molestation [by mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, grandfathers, and grandfathers], etc.--the way children change today is for the worse. some children will kill their parents, some won't. some children will hurt other people, some won't. some children will become addicted to drugs, some won't. there is a 50/50 chance that your child will turn on you.
do i really want to bring up a child in this world?
i kind of understand why my mom did what she did; by alienating me from the dangers of the world, i've become naive--not the naive that doesn't recognize when something is wrong/sounds right--the naive that hasn't experienced many of the hardships many people have been through [i don't understand that myself].
the world is a crazy place. people are almost "trained" to become serial killers; some will be "trained" to be psychopaths; some will be "trained" to spread open their legs for anything that walks and has a penis, or stick it in anything that has a vagina; some will be "trained" to be hurt or partake in the hurting of other people. it brings tears to my eyes really.
will my kid(s) hate me? will my kid(s) lvoe themselves enough to know that they don't need to conform to what is going on around them? will my kid(s) be comfortable in life? will my kid(s) be able to handle the hardships of life? i don't know. no one does, but these concerns continuously play in my mind. i wonder if my kid(s) will make me happy and proud or break my heart. i hate being hurt, and i would hate for my kids to be hurt as well. especially with the whites of america setting up anyone who is a color other than pink/white for failure. ever since taking sociology, my world, my senses have been open. it is that "thing" that made me wonder if i should bring a kid into this world.
is it really worth it?
at any given moment, something could happen in our life as a family. if i do end up having a kid or two, i want them to be lvoed. i want to bring her/him/them up in a positive environment. i want her/him/them to be aware of the world at an early age. i want her/him/them to know and understand the way the world works so they won't be caught up in the madness. i know i can't change the way the world works, but i at least want to be able to change the way my kid(s) live in it. i want my kid(s) to smell the flowers and appreciate them. i want my kid(s) to go to the museum, and appreciate the works that lie there. i want my kid(s) to go to school, and appreciate the education they are given (and when they get home, they will receive more because the school system is hiding the important stuff). i want my kid(s) to appreciate life. with that appreciation, i believe it will keep them from all of the "bad things."
although i am too young now, i am still thinking about it.