To inspire with love; captivate:

ex. was enamored of the beautiful dancer;

were enamored with the charming island.

don't know what this means...

but me likie!

"as in all things truly worthwhile in life, lvoe is an art, sketched and painted atop a canvas of mutual respect. such a foundation allows only for the occasional brush stroke to cover a mixed message or misunderstanding and avoid use of the paint roller."


new year's resolution[s]...

i didn't want to make any

new year's resolutions for '09

mostly because i never really

look at the darn thing

after jan.1 anyway,

but i guess my only nyr

would be to

live life [for] now.

i often look to the future,

and N E V E R concentrate on the present.

it affects me because

i dont enjoy life.

but by concentrating on the present,


i'll enjoy life as i should!!!



i don't understand beefs.
what the hell do they solve?
absolutely nothing!
it's just like when you get
into a fight in high school...
you end up acquiring more enemies
than friends!
can't we all just get along?


i am a gregarious person...
it's just somethings and/or
people that get in my darn way.


someone special?

Are you hopin​g to meet someo​ne speci​al in 2009?

you know, previously, i preoccupied all my thoughts in finding or meeting "someone special" that i didnt realize the special people i have in my life. 2009 = no more looking for someone. of course i dont want to end up by myself, i hate being alone, but i guess whenever he shows up, he will show up. obviously, if he picks me, theres a reason. of course i want someone, but i'm not going to force myself in a relationship that means virtually nothing. why would i force myself to be an emotional wreck?

enough with the straight shxt...

...and on with the curly shxt
aint tryna be someone i'm not
my hair is naturally
curly or whatever it is lol
no more chemically processed shxt
my hair is damaged
waaaaaaaaay beyond repairs
i either gotta chop chop
or take care of it....
and i choose to take care of it lmao
my shxt finna be hella long
hopefully by august '09!
fxck yesssssss!

last relaxer: august 6, 2008.

2 0 0 9

i know it's early,
but dayuuuuuum!
2 0 0 9
is almost here!
crazy shxt!
that means i'm gunna be 9teen
4 months after
[one more year closer to 21 :D]

it means a whole other level
of life.

2008 wasn't the best of years,
but as i reflect back
i'm thankful i'm still here
and being.

life's good.
it'll be even better as 2009 comes!!!
and hopefully this is
the year i meet somebody
coz this shxt is just fxckin ridiculous...
me and omyyyy


i've come to the realization that i hate being by myself. ever since i was born, i havent really had anyone that i could relate to, or play with. all my brothers and sisters are halfs-dont get me wrong, i still lvoe em like we have the same mothers-but i havent had that one to complain to when i feel like my mom is attacking me. you know? it doesnt feel the same. [plus a couple of them dont even care if i'm alive or not. if they read this, they would know exactly who they were.] it's always been me + my room + the television. i basically had to be my own friend. i guess this is why i get so shy around people and don't speak-i dont have the social skills. i've only really been around my mom. before i started driving, if you saw me, you would most likely see my mom too & vice versa. it's kind of hard for me to come at peace with this, especially because its true. my whole life-i've been alone & controlled. i think being alone has created my alter ego whatever her name is. i'm not nutzo, but i really believe in alter egos. i feel they play a big part in who we are as people. but anyway, i hate being alone. so i guess thats why i dont care when people use me, because i think "at least i wont be alone"...trust me, i'm not stupid. i know when i'm being used, but its like i'd rather be used, than be by myself. i've always had friends at school, but i can hardly call a few of them friends. they were more like aquaintences, basically the ones i havent talked to since graduation are those people, acquaintences-such a funny word. i blame my being alone on my mother. she's very controlling. although she doesnt like to admit it, she is. she's controlled what i ate, what friends i conversed with...blah blah blah. its gotten to the point where i caint even make a simple decision by myself, without asking my moms advice. i dont ever know where my gut is because i never feel it. its like i dont have a gut. its also gotten to the point where this alter ego-whoever she is; i'm afraid to get to know and understand. she's definately not like me; maribel. she's very different, and for serious, i hope she never escapes...seriously though. but anywho, my life has been a very distant memory. i only remember bits and pieces of my childhood. it's almost like i never really had a childhood. i just went from being an infant to a young adult in a flash. if you asked me what i remember most, i'd probably say watching cartoons. i've been mentally fxcked up my whole life. all i have is this name, and i dont even know who she is. i cannot begin to tell you how many times i've cried for absolutely no reason. i cannot tell you how many times i have sat there, so spaced out, not moving, sitting still, just thinking. being alone & controlled has really toiled with my mind. i guess people wouldnt know how i felt coz i try to hide it. i put on a smile on my face for eveyone to see, but truly, i've got a million things running through my mind.

"marbelling it."

"solo bolo"; enjoying life as a single person; not having to deal with the drama, emotions, or difficulties associated with relationships.


surv Q

What are you looking forward to in the next few months?

♡ ♥ starting school at deanza

♡ ♥ finally realizing what i REALLY want to have as my career

♡ ♥ getting a different job that pays more and does not have to deal with food

♡ ♥ finding myself

♡ ♥ finding a companion

♡ ♥ losing the weight i gained this year, and nawt gain the "freshmen 15" -----> everyone talks about!

♡ ♥ learning how to sew and create...


first post.

i had another blog,
but wasn't feeling it!

hence the new blog
[yaaaa hence! lol]

hopefully i like this one better