Taurus Horoscopes
(Apr 20 - May 20)
Yesterday Today Tomorrow
Monday, Mar 30th, 2009

-- A relaxing weekend quickly fades into the distant past on this busy day. It may be challenging to keep up with all that's going on now, but you'll just have to grit your teeth and do what you must. Although you may resist at first, you could actually be inspired once you find a creative voice that's in touch with your hopes and dreams.


kids maybe?

i don't know yet. i was thinking about how when people have kids, they are their pride & joy. however, as their little pride & joy grows up into the world, they change--of course people change, but in our world today; all the violence, loss of respect, drugs, diseases, pre-marital sex / raging hormones, prostitution, rape, molestation [by mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, grandfathers, and grandfathers], etc.--the way children change today is for the worse. some children will kill their parents, some won't. some children will hurt other people, some won't. some children will become addicted to drugs, some won't. there is a 50/50 chance that your child will turn on you.

do i really want to bring up a child in this world?

i kind of understand why my mom did what she did; by alienating me from the dangers of the world, i've become naive--not the naive that doesn't recognize when something is wrong/sounds right--the naive that hasn't experienced many of the hardships many people have been through [i don't understand that myself].

the world is a crazy place. people are almost "trained" to become serial killers; some will be "trained" to be psychopaths; some will be "trained" to spread open their legs for anything that walks and has a penis, or stick it in anything that has a vagina; some will be "trained" to be hurt or partake in the hurting of other people. it brings tears to my eyes really.

will my kid(s) hate me? will my kid(s) lvoe themselves enough to know that they don't need to conform to what is going on around them? will my kid(s) be comfortable in life? will my kid(s) be able to handle the hardships of life? i don't know. no one does, but these concerns continuously play in my mind. i wonder if my kid(s) will make me happy and proud or break my heart. i hate being hurt, and i would hate for my kids to be hurt as well. especially with the whites of america setting up anyone who is a color other than pink/white for failure. ever since taking sociology, my world, my senses have been open. it is that "thing" that made me wonder if i should bring a kid into this world.

is it really worth it?

at any given moment, something could happen in our life as a family. if i do end up having a kid or two, i want them to be lvoed. i want to bring her/him/them up in a positive environment. i want her/him/them to be aware of the world at an early age. i want her/him/them to know and understand the way the world works so they won't be caught up in the madness. i know i can't change the way the world works, but i at least want to be able to change the way my kid(s) live in it. i want my kid(s) to smell the flowers and appreciate them. i want my kid(s) to go to the museum, and appreciate the works that lie there. i want my kid(s) to go to school, and appreciate the education they are given (and when they get home, they will receive more because the school system is hiding the important stuff). i want my kid(s) to appreciate life. with that appreciation, i believe it will keep them from all of the "bad things."

although i am too young now, i am still thinking about it.



WINTER 2009 quarter is over!

this quarter i've learned many lessons: from the "late night study sessions"; to the "early morning study sessions"; and the completethedaybeforeitisdue assignments...i have learned to start assignments the day they arrive in my hand, to time myself so i won't stay up until 4:30 in the morning trying hurry up and complete an assignment that should be due in 8 hours...

this quarter i have also learned that i need to stay focused on me, i need to be selfish, i am not going to school for anyone, but me! shopping, going out to eat, going to my friend's houses is fun, but needs to be done at a time where i've completed what needs to be done. i cannot jeorpordize my future, because i wanted to have fun. one of my good friends almost ended a quarter with a c- because she didn't complete an essay--all she did was party and go to different cities...i do not want that to be me...of course there is time for pleasure and play. however, that time is not now.

i feel V E R Y relieved. even though SPRING quarter is coming up in about a week, i feel relaxed and superly excited to be in human sexuality next quarter...o yaaaa! score! ;D one more quarter 'til summer...and considering SUMMER quarter, but not too sure if i want to take that plundge yet...



i can sense one coming on it about....
8 hours.....



keeping shxt bottled up inside is not good for anyones health.

dear father,

the only time
you [old piece of shxt] want to
really speak to me
is when you're yelling at me.
i'm so tired of living in my house.
how can you listen to someone
who you feel doesnt lvoe you?
this is the exact reason why i hate being home.
i don't feel like i'm lvoed here.
you [ops] lie and say that
you pay for my food and clothing...
you don't pay for shxt!
you havent paid for anything including the name "maribel"
since i was 12.
the main reason is because
you dont want your other children
to know that you even care for me.
you don't care.
so stop trying to act like you do
in front of everyone else.
i should embarass your axx one of these days.
you always want to talk big shxt,
but never live up to the shxt you say.
sometimes i sit in car
wanting to be involved in an accident
so i won't have to go through this shxt anymore.
this is bullshxt.
i hate you and fxck off.
if you were my real father,
i would see it.
but you're not.
i wish you werent shxt to me,
but you just had to stick 23 chromosomes
on to my DNA.
i don't think i'll ever be happy with you here.
and thats a fact.
i'm depressed all the time.
i havent really cared for myself in a long time.
my soul is lost.
and it's all because of you.
i hate you.


i think i miss you.
all of the emotions;
the struggles,
the wins,
the losses,
the blood,
and tears.

i think i miss you.
becoming one as we constructed
the different positions.
playing with you was wild.
trying to keep us as one;
in-sync with one another.
me trying to control you,
you trying to control me.
so cliche,
but it truly was ecstacy.

i think i miss you.
the sound of great victory
when we won eachother over.
you made me a winner.
the excitement,
the increase in lvoe for you.

i think i miss you.
but the different affairs we went through
changed it all.
now we miss eachother.
when will i go back to you?
we were so good...

i still miss you.


maribel vs. what's her face.

quiet & nice.
simple, calm, chill.
the brainy/nerdy one.
thinks with her gut,
is caring, and independent.
knows when to get serious.
watches the tele all day.
trustworthy-will never let you down.
doesn't lie.
is a winer [happily :D]
color = turquoise.
music taste = soul, neo-soul, r&b, jazz.
style = laidback, a little matchy at times
[you can find her in a sweater and some jeans on certain days]

whats her face:
loud & obnoxious.
doesn't care about other people's feelings.
abundant in sex appeal--a little too abundant.
drinks, does drugs [not crazy ones].
not very reliable.
does crazy things.
ain't afraid of shxt.
has road rage.
color = coral.
music taste = electro, hip-hop, club refixes
style = dressed up, hoochie mommmmaaaaaa!

i have no idea why i posted this,
but for the record:
i believe in alter egos, and believe i have one as well.


no more!
for the time being at least.
who ever knew school could
be so darn stressful?
i feel like a part of me has been
taken away from me...
i'm almost done with my essay...
i was trippin about the 8-10 page
but after completing 7 and
still having one more page to complete
i feel like i've kicked some De Anza axx!
why write a blog about it?
because i'm dope like that.
plus i wanted to share the fact that
i have no more frustrations....
for today at least.


why are you so good to me?
my pain fades away
like the clouds on a sunny day
when i feel you.
you make me feel so good
almost like there could be two of you.

s e l f i s h .

i've come to the realization that
i need to be selfish.
i never put myself first
and i end up paying for it.
this might be random, but
i think i'm an acute follower.
instead of focusing on what i need
to do,
i follow others
and it causes all my shxt to get messed up.
i don't know,
but i think it has to do with
me feeling alone...
so i jump at any opportunity
i can to be with someone...

since it fxcks me over,
i have chosen to be selfish.
nawt a selfish bastard,
but selfish.
making sure my shxt is done
before anyone else gets my two sense
[or is it cents? w/e].

this is the only way for me to succeed
in life...
i can't sit here and waste my time
my life has been engulfed by you.
your presence only makes me shiver.
the thought of us failing,
makes me sick.
my whole life depends upon you,
something that is ever clear.
my life wouldn't make any sense if
you didn't.
lvoe cannot describe
what we have.
we are almost joined at the hip.
you are my baby...
my lvoer,
my joy (sometimes).
without you,
without us succeeding-
there is nothing.
only pure grief,
i have poured as many thoughts
as i could; can,
as you have done the same...
you have taught me to think
not only with my mind,
but my heart,
and eyes.
may we continue to be blessed together
from now,
until forever...


as i stroke the letters of the
alphabet on to you,
promise me you will make sense
of us.

late night studies.

[or rather, early morning studies]
are thee worst.
avoid this approach
at all cost[s]!
(or whatever they say lol).

that is all for now.


no longer hanging on

by a thin spider silk fiber.
i mean i don't want to jinx it,
but i think i'm okay now.


take two!

little dragon!

i freaking lvoe this group!!!!!!

yukimi is a dope axx lady!

the band is awesome...

it's a match made in heaven!


true to the t!!!!!

w o w.
i was just saying how
i'm attracted to people
with issues:

Friday, March 13:
Bad boys and bad girls make bad relationships.
Yet, the more damaged, the better as far as you're concerned.
It's time to break your addiction to broken people.
Or, you'll continue to get what you're getting.
You can't fix it; remember that.

how does anyone explain this?



i'm really hanging on
by a thin string.
maybe like a spider silk fiber.

my college life is:
8-10 page research paper (1st draft due 3/18, FINAL 3/20)
*STATUS: 3 pages done
12 hours of community service [i only have 3]
(by the 18th mind you)
a "claimsmaking" pamphlet for sociology due on the 3/16
a presentation on the work i've done for my community service 3/18
a sacramento trip to rally, picket whatev for the upcoming budget cuts.... 3/16
poster board for arts history due 3/24
final study sheet due 3/19 for arts history [gotta leave with a BANG! on that one...]
*hopefully everything is ok, and i don't fail

my home life is:
too much hw,
nawt talking to anyone (i.e., the padres)
coz i'm depressed...................................................

mentally/psychologically i'm:
all of it!

as you all can tell,
i'm no where in my right mind right now.
college changes you:
my hair has been BAD!
my clothing
(mind you i lvoe to get all girly,
but lately i've been kinda tomboyish)
bladdi bladda bladda
my life is upside down
i need to go to church.
i have no idea if this post makes any sense.
i guess you can see
my frustration through this mumbo jumbo huh?
g'night world.
i don't even know if anyone really cares.


another song i just happen to lvoe.

be positive (+).

be positive. stay positive. positive things will come.
be positive. stay positive. positive things will come.
be positive. stay positive. positive things will come.
be positive. stay positive. positive things will come.
be positive. stay positive. positive things will come.
be positive. stay positive. positive things will come.
be positive. stay positive. positive things will come.
be positive. stay positive. positive things will come.

i lvoe it.

stix and straight hair.

excuse me,
but is it only me,
or does it seem like
all the paris girls
are stick skinny
and have bone straight hair?

[well nawt all of them
have straight hair, but most...]

t r i p p i n g o u t.

wondering when class is going to be over, worried about failing a class, worried about shxt that's due, music on the highest, screaming in the car, wondering why the fxck people need to cause traffic because they want to watch an accident, hungry, tripping out in the car, need to go to church, need 9 more hours of community service, worried about next quarter, wondering if this vegetarian stage will last, wanting someone to smoke me the fxck out, where's the alcohol?, need to get out of this house, fxck that 10 page paper, stressed, weight fluctuating constantly, impatient about my hair growing out, grow out already!, trying to find a happy medium, i need to go shopping, feeling lonely, my life is a mess, my life is hectic, can't breathe, feeling lost, where are you when i want you, drained out, thinking too much again, need to stay positive, why am i so darn negative?, lost in my thoughts, still trying to breathe, that essay is due next week, so many assignments due, storyboard? ugh, i can't draw, my life is overrrr....

A L L .


i lvoe this song!

i understand she is a druggie, and an alcoholic,

but i really, really, REALLY,

like this song!


life changes.

all of the sudden,
i've decided to change certain aspects in my life.
while i can hardly say
that one of them is my shopping addiction,
i will say that i've decided to change other things:

1. as i've said in previous posts, i'm ditching relaxed hair,
and onward to all natural hair! it's been 6 months since
my last relaxer, and my curls are coming in nicely.
hopefully the "big chop" will be in september. i have no idea
what hair type i am yet, will be searching that soon...

2. no meat. i'm really picky when it comes to food.
i can't stand seeing the veins in chicken, or the skin, nor
can i stand the fat in both chicken and meat. however
long this lasts, who the hell knows, but i haven't been
into eating meat for a while now, so we will see.

3. music. i choose to listen to the humble, soulful stuff; electro :D, etc.
i haven't turned my back on other forms of music like
my all time favorite, dancehall, but i'm currently into the soulful stuff...
more in the lines of muhsinah, and AFTA-1s beats...etc. don't worry,
i still listen to hip-hop and other music; to make a loooooong story
short, let's just say i've added it to my music taste.

4. shopping. nope nawt stopping that, but i've changed the way i shop
and wear my clothes...i shop pre-season so i won't complain when
i can't find anything to wear in the spring/summer. i also shop a little
smarter, i don't over indulge in one sitting, i pay for all the important
stuff first, like gas and food, and then i shop. smaaaaart! i may miss out
on some of the items i want, but oh well. i'll probably see them somewhere else!
i'm very plain when it comes to pieces, but when the outfit is put
together with bracelets and earrings, and even shoes, the outfit comes to life!
plain pieces are muuuuuch cheaper and can be paired with almost anything!
thats a plus...how does all this help my addiction? it doesn't, but 1) i can buy more stuff,
with less money, but are still cute and 2) i'll look cute. --duh.

i guess thats it for now,
i'm sure this will all change,
i know it will,
but its good that i picked
a few aspects of my like that
i knew needed to be changed,
and decided to act on it....



got my mind right.
--that is all.



i don't like this one:

Taurus Horoscopes
(Apr 20 - May 20)
Yesterday Today Tomorrow

Wednesday, Mar 4th, 2009 --
Your key planet Venus can tie you up in a knot today as you become intrigued or even obsessed with the power of perfect love. Unfortunately, you might not be able to actualize your fantasies in the real world because they are a product of your overactive imagination. Don't worry about manifestation; for now, just enjoy the irony of unattainable happiness.
ew. i feel lonely again.
i just realized that going shopping only helps certain moments...
it cannot take away the pains of being alooone.

i got new glasses, but that don't mean shxt;
i got a dope scarf, but that don't mean shxt;
i got a tasty loose tank top, but that don't mean shxt;
i got some linen shorts, but that still don't mean shxt
because at the end of the day,
i still feel lonely.


f i g h t i n g .

i'm fighting with myself
i feel as though i am not pretty enough.



i think i feel my tomboy
stage coming on again!!!! lol
these are clearly for men,
but i want 'em! :D
especially the ones on the bottom.

my boy choze!

i think he's gonna make it...it's only a matter of time:

While Portland, Oregon, is filled with talented hip hop artists, it has also been known as a city that’s difficult to break out of, especially for musicians seeking more national and international attention. But in the last few years there has been a growing hip hop movement of young rappers and producers trying to make their niche in the nation-wide music scene. One of the central players in this movement is Choze, a young rap artist seeking to be one of the best in Portland and to bring more attention and focus to the talent in this city. His mission is both personal and altruistic, and the barriers that musicians face in this region only fuel Choze to push his own music and the larger music scene.

Choze has been a fan of hip hop since the mid-90s: "I remember hearing my first rap song on the radio. It was ‘California Love’ by 2Pac and Dr. Dre." Ever since then, he was hooked. At a younger age, Choze was a music fan but never seriously thought about rhyming and "wanted to be in the NBA growing up." He remembers smiling, "Me and my cousin [Mase] would play everyday… fierce rivalries which almost led to fist fights." But when Choze was only 12 years old, Mase started to freestyle while the two were working for the local paper, and this changed Choze’s focus to the creation and performance of music. Choze remembers asking his cousin how he could rhyme for so long: "Mase used to rhyme for 10 minutes straight without stopping, and his flow was always on point back then." That was the beginning of their musical partnership. Choze and his cousin (then known as "Lil’M") formed a duo rap group called "Lil’ Playaz" with Mase ghostwriting Choze’s rhymes and the two recording on the Karaoke machine at Choze’s house.

It was at this time that Choze, inspired by his cousin’s coaching and by all forms of hip hop (from the Boom Bap Era in the late 80s to the Flash Era in the late 90s), started developing his talent and coming up with rhymes on his own. Right from the start, the diversity of his influences led Choze to keep an open mind when it came to crafting songs. It is this open mind, combined with his life experience, that gives his music an authenticity and honesty that appeals to his audiences. Of course, it hasn’t always been an easy journey musically or personally, and Choze’s authenticity comes from his experience as a young person of both the beauty and the tragedies of life. Going through the passing of several family members, including his older brother and father, has only strengthened Choze’s understanding of the place music has in his life and has poised him more than ever to make something happen for himself and his family: "I know that all of my family members in heaven are pulling for me and giving me strength to make a success of myself."

This success includes moving forward to break out of the moniker of "Mixtape Rapper." Choze notes, "There was a point in my life, and I’m still trying to get out of it, being labeled as a mixtape rapper because I never really had a producer to be my right hand man and to help me craft my sound. I’ve always had to do industry beats up until this point." Now gaining increased attention via the MySpace Music community and word of mouth in his hometown, Choze believes he has what it takes to be the first young rap artist to break out of his state. As part of this break-out, Choze has released 3 mixtapes, Appeared on over 10 mixtapes from various up and coming DJ's across the country and he is now back in the studio, equipped with new producers, Currently working on a new mixtape as well as a currently Untitled EP, All while creating his own record label Neu Beginin Entertainment along with friends and fellow MC's Saint & Wingate (The duo are better known as Tru Quality).

Choze’s mission is to put his music, the local hip hop scene, and Portland on the map. This mission drives him to keep his music real and original, also to reach out to fellow artists and fans who share his passions and goals of making Portland bigger and better. Because of this, Choze is an artist of the people. His success is the success of his fans and other local hip hop musicians. His recognition will be Portland’s recognition. He represents the city’s best.

sounds good eh?

stalk him...






DOWNLOAD "Johnny the Martian"


the first.

i don't know why i'm so happy.
i guess it's because it's a new month.
and one more month
closer to my birthday.
i'm not all that excited to turn 9teen really.
i'm choosing to spend it in san francisco
with my best friend, but that's about it,
what's so special about it anywho?
9teen, big woop lol
and plus,
everytime i invite people
to my birthday dinner,
they never come!!!
so what's the use?
and no one bought me presents last
year except for my girl jenny.
oh well.