let's talk:

ok so
we need to talk about the use of the word virgin. [lol]
virgin, like many other "popular" words,
is used in so many ways its sort of interesting.

there's
property virgin [as in housing]
virgin hair
extra virgin olive oil [evoo as rachel ray says]

and then there's
virgin mobile
virgin atlantic airlines
virgin records

there's a music group called the virgins

virgin words

there's also being a virgin
in your mouth,
your axx,
or vagina [or va-guy-na as bruno says lol].

whatever happend to the biblical meaning of virgin:

1. a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. an unmarried girl or woman.
3. Ecclesiastical. an unmarried, religious woman, esp. a saint.
4. the Virgin, Mary, the mother of Christ.
5. Informal. any person who is uninitiated, uninformed, or the like: He's still a virgin as far as hard work is concerned. [ a virgin girl or boy will usually be uninitiated and uninformed]

–adjective
9. being a virgin: a virgin martyr.
10. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a virgin: virgin modesty.

i dunno just a thought.

and yes i'm a virgin
so i find some of the uses insulting
[ahahaha jk]

acceptance.

i just came across this thought today,
well just now actually.
and i am aware that other people
may have thought of it as well,

but

the only way for people to accept our [african american] hair,
is for them to accept their hair as well.
not all white or other ethnic people have straight hair.
a majority of them have
wavy or curly hair,
but straighten it whether with heat,
or chemicals.

some do accept their hair
and might only straighten on occasion,
while others straighten their hair religiously.
by reducing the amount of heat and chemical styling,
they will be able to embrace their hair
and embrace ours as well.

if you have curly hair on your head,
you wouldn't discourage someone else
who has almost the same type of hair as you right?
so therefore,
stop altering your hair regardless of your ethnicity,
and you will come to terms with other peoples hair.

capish? **in an italian accent...lol

an idle mind

is a devil's workshop.

maaaaaan so true!

raaarrrrr! :D

one more week until i cut my hair!
omg! lol
august 4th seems sooooo far away!
can't wait to see what my natural hair/texture looks like...
hoping not too much chemical damage has been done...
i guess we'll wait and see...
i don't even know how to REALLY take care of natural hair
lol i guess i'll just go along with it as the days roll on by.
aaaaaah! :D i'm excited. can you tell?

welp.

i think i'm starting to lvoe my hair!

i haven't chopped off my relaxed ends...

next week! [yaaaay!]

but from what i've seen i'm okay with it.

when i first started to grow

out my hair i wanted it to look like this:

but i think i'm okay with it being a little tighter.

well actually i think my hair has every single type of

hair there is except straight lol.

i think it has:

a smaller wave in the front [type 4b?]

a tighter curl in the middle [type 4a ]

a loser curl in the back[type 3c]

i really like tighter curls because

it looks a lot bouncier and is cool! lol

but whatever hair i do have

[i'll know for sure after my cut]

i will appreciate and lvoe it.

when i first started my transitioning phase,

i really wanted that larger curl,

but now it's whatever...

i just want healthy, strong hair that doesn't

break off more than it should...

:DDDDD

addition:

what i didn't realize before

was that my hair will grow in whatever way it wants to grow.

hair is genetics.

i can't force it to look the way i want it.

if someone would have told me that you can

grown whatever haur you want

by thinking really hard, wishing on a shooting star, and eating weird dirt

i think i would have!

but this transitioning phase has made me

realize that i can't do that.

and i shouldn't do that.

i just to need to let my hair hang out and be free.

a look into mysophobia [germaphobia]:

i've always been afraid of germs, but some recent event [that i choose not to speak of] have made my mysophobia worse:

2 weeks ago i began washing my hands constantly and making sure i didnt touch anything anyone touched. i didnt eat for a week and a half because i didn't know what utensils people ate off. [i lost six pounds] i have a fear of touching the fridge or microwave because someone else might have touched it. i use a napkin to open anything. when i go up and down the stairs i makesure i dont touch the railing and if i think i did i run down the stairs to wash my hands. i even get nervous to wash my hands because i don't know who touched it before me.

i buy my own water for my room and "claim" my own cup.

my dad sneezed in my room a couple days ago and i had a serious breakdown. i cried and cried in the bathroom until i had a migraine. i was shaking and felt like throwing up. i felt like my room was my safe place from his germs until he sneezed...i must have sprayed my room down like a freak. if my mom doesn't hide that lysol from me, i might get permanent brain dramage. seriously. she told me i need to calm down in her serious im-your-mother-so-listen-to-me-tone. i took it into consideration, but it didnt help.

now when i go outside i dont open any doors until someone opens them for me or i rush to the door that is closing and open it with my wrist or elbow. i can't shake peoples hands without feeling like i need scalding water to wash my hands. i dont even like hugging people anymore...and you know how some people spit when they talk? i feel like i should just shoot myself right there. i used to leave my door closed, but now i leave it open so people wont touch my door knob.

i have to think of things like peanut butter [which i'm allergic to lol], peaches, bananas, strawberries, melons, etc. to keep my mind off of viruses and bacteria. i had another breakdown because a particular word kept [and still is] flashing through my brain, thats when the words started happening. its getting better, but it still manages to flash in my brain a couple time. i started to cry horribly and was curled up in a "child's pose" on the floor in the hallway. i couldn't stop crying and i felt like i was becoming psychotic.

i used to be able to touch door knobs and the fridge door or shake peoples hands before [i would still wash them] but now it has gotten worse...

i stay in my room even more than i used to and dread going out sometimes. i'm afraid someone who has an uncurable disease is going to spit on me or if i have a cut on my hand theytouch me and i'm going to get their disease as well.

**This post is about germs creative aye?

i don't know. i think i need help.

oh ya, and i was thinking about not having kids because i dont them to have to worry about germs or get sick at a young age. and i was also thinking about not getting married either because i dont want my husband to have or give me something...and i have this belief that ALL men are unfaithful and will bring weird shxt into the house.

and no tattoos. sometimes the tattoo artists dont change the needles or will put used ink back in the bottles or even use the same cap from someone else. especially your "homeboys." sometimes even the most sincere gestures can get you into trouble. the same goes with peircings as well.

ugh. i'm really starting to discover how serious this shxt is. i feel like monk.

you are everywhere around me...

sometimes i feel like,
you're always stalking me.

wherever i am
you are;
you want to be;
you think you should be;
you will be;
there.

why can't you leave me alone?

you got me going crazy
got me thinking i'm insane.
i feel like i need to place myself
voluntarily in a psych ward
or even in a whole.

you don't care.

all you know is what you want what you want,
and all you want is one thing--
to make me miserable.
i want to end it
you're driving me crazy.
i feel like your mission
is to drive me insane.
make me feel like my brain
is going to explode.

i thought i was okay.
but i'm not.

leave me alone.
go somewhere else.
why are you so damn toxic.

ugh.

why do make me so?
i can't breathe,
the walls are closing in...






take this as my rant to your very existance.

geez.

people from the dominican republic are mean...
they have this crazy mindset
that white or light
is P O W E R .
don't you see that black
is beautiful?
and powerful...
i don't think i'll be visiting
the dominican republic any soon.
why?
1) i wouldn't be welcome there in the first place since i'm "too dark"
2) i'm probably to fat too
3) i'm growing out my hair; to them natural, curly, kinky hair is "bad" hair [uh huh, right.]
4) i might get killed or hurt for who i am
5) they might think i'm haitian [:O, lol that's why they hate "black" people and because of Dictator Rafael Trujillo & President Joaquín Balaguer]

i never thought that i couldn't
go to another country because they might hate me
and say horrible things, not mean, horrible things to me.

answer me this:
intellectually:
logically
seriously:
with reasoning and examples:

what is so wrong with being dark skinned?
why is lighter skin better than dark skin?

as well as:

what is so bad about curly/kinky hair?
why is straight hair better that curly/kinky hair?

ugh.