wow, ok.

ya i understand that i am
obeastly fat [yes, thats the way i spelled it]
but dayum!
do you, your mama, daddy, uncle, aunty,
grandfather, AND grandmother
have to say it too?
ugh.
it's annoying
and the reason as to why
i am insecure, depressed, and starving.
[no i don't starve myself, on purpose at least.
sometimes i just don't feel like eating for a
couple/few days, weird, i know].

do you know what the woman i am forced
to call my mother told me?

ok so we planned to go on a trip to LA right,
but she never told me when we were going.
then like on tuesday or wednesday
[week august 16-22]
she tells me that she didn't want to take me to LA
"looking the way [i] did [in fear of embarrasment maybe?]
and that "[i] looked better now."
i told her i lost weight because i havent been eating
and she didn't say anything.

ok so you mean to tell me
that it's okay for me to lose weight because i am eating every 2 days
instead of working out?
i was and still am very appalled
by my mother's actions.
i seriously refuse to go to LA now.
like i wanted to sooo bad, but eff it.
i felt like crying.

this is why i can't stand living in my house.

and my dad = another story.
let's just say he's an annoying,
controlling, manipulative, lying,
unimportant, violent, goolish,
unworthy, child favorite picker.

sometimes i wish i could just win the lottery
and build a ginormous house in the SF hills
so i can be alooooone.
i'm used to it anyhow.

blaaaaaah