my mind is racing

man so many thoughts on my mind, such as: just about everything is blowing up in my face; i'm just about irritated with everything, including the people around me, near AND far; my life is a mess, i need to pick up the peices and fast; never bee...n so hurt by such words in my life, they just keep coming at me like bees; i need to find new people to be included in my life, NEW ones i can TRUST. as of now i only have a select group that i chose to talk to. patty, rachel, des, jenny, pilar (ha!), and the people i have here on facebook [sorry i dint name you, but you know who you are]; feeling unwanted, invisible, ignored, etc., etc.; can't wait to move; sometimes i wonder if my different is good; homie, stop tryna be real with me and be real with yourself...be true to yourself; my situation is getting more and more nutzo everyday; i need to go somewhere, anywhere away from here; tired of being taken advantage of; tired of people thinking i'm a wink link, no, no honey: i just let you think that; last but not least, and not the last: PEOPLE NEED TO STOP FXCKIN AROUND, it's not a dayum joke [excuse my french].

tell me whyyy

i had this nutzo, but dope dream
that i was one of the stylists for Tyler Perry's movies.

it all started out when he came to my
collegio to do some comedy stuff
and after i got to interview him
[how? i dunno. i think i just asked]
so i was asking about him being homeless
but yet VERY intelligent
[is that rude? not all poor/homeless people are education deficit.
does that make sense? oh well]
him being single,
the success of his movies,
madea, uncle joe, etc...
and we had small talk basically.

so we start talking
about his height amd i stand up next to him--
i'm 5'9.75 so of course i was HELLA shorter than him.
then i talk about how it must be awesome to work
or intern for him because of thew atmosphere.
he looks at me and my outfit
[it was maaad dope!]
and asks "how would like to be one of the stylists on deck?"
somehow one of the stylists decided to leave
because of family issues
so therefore i became the "replacement girl"
[ha! remember that song? real fans know what i'm speaking of!]
i was in a state of shoooooooooock! lol
so then i move to ATL like a couple weeks later
and move into a dope axx apartment
and it goes from there.

maybe i was fantasizing,
i dunno,
but it was dope!
i have a hard time regurgitating stories or dreams
but it was a cool dream/fantasy.
in my dream, mr. perry was,
as wendy williams often says [i lvoe that woman!]
"a friend in my head."

yes,
my dreams are interesting,
but i have a good time when i
partially sleep!


ok i feel bad now because i'm nawt paying
any attention to jimmy fallon!
i swear i have a crush on him, i dunno whyyy.
such a weird crush
ahahahahaha
laterrr.

don't you lvoe her?

so do i!!!
this is the lvoely woman who will
be modeling my designs!
:DDDD
you can call her,

Yoelle.

aaaawww.

i was looking at some old pictures
of myself in my old camera
and i looked
H A P P Y .
like nothing could tear me down.
i don't know what happened to her.
but i've got to get her back--
i hate New Year Resolutions,
but this year i just might make a
list with one resolution on it:
TO BE HAPPY.
the new year is about
4 months-ish from now, but thats mine.
i seriously hope and pray
to be happy.

as mary j, says:

"All I really want, is to be happy"

i know she's speaking of lvoe
in that song,
but maybe thats what i,
need to be happy.
sounds crazy, i know lol
i paused before i typed that.

but i don't know.
whatever God plans for me,
i am okay with.
whether it be lvoe,
new friendships,
money
[ha! "money can't buy you everything/happiness],
a new calling,
i hope it is what i need to be happy.

info about taurus

i think i've posted something like this before, but oh well
[i forgot where i got this from, oops!]:

True to the mascot of the Taurus, your stubbornness is the root of your resolve [ahahaha part of the reason why i don't get along with my father]. You’re highly motivated to finish something you start. Why put in blood, sweat and tears without seeing the fruits of your labor? Because you work so hard at completing your goals – especially in your career – you value a hard-earned buck.

In fact, money is the object of your desire. It’s not that you’re greedy; it’s just that your financial situation affects how stable you feel. Plus, you enjoy the finer things in life – good food and drink and high-end things for yourself and your home. [i lvoe everything luxurious and extravagant, especially when i can get it for an EXTREMELY good/cheap price :D]

But when it comes to sharing, you’d rather protect your treasures and keep them to yourself. [unless i reaaaallly like you]

One thing Taurus is not is a risk taker. Your fixed zodiac quality represents your resistance to change.While practical, you aren’t particularly interested in trying new things. Change makes you feel uneasy and vulnerable. You crave stability and are comfortable with the familiar. [change is scary for me, i try, but it never works. im slower to change than most and have to do it gradually or else i'll have a panic attack!]

This sign’s cool, calm and collected exterior hides a tenacious temper. Rarely do you unleash it on others, unless you’re seriously provoked or attacked.Beneath your down-to-earth, easy-going personality lies someone who’s very romantic and concerned with matters of the heart. [exactly like a bull. lol they only attack or get dangerous when provoked]



Relationships
Taurus often have a difficult time meeting new people – you can be reserved and self-conscious around strangers. [people think i'm cocky because of that, well if you dont know, know you know] You’re more of a self-contained soul.But your inner circle of friends knows they can count on your shoulder to cry on. You have a knack for offering sound advice with a loving touch.When it comes to romantic relationships, you’re very affectionate and sensual. You prefer a steady courtship and rarely rush in to a relationship. [i think i would seriously have to "talk" to / date someone for mooonths before we can be a "couple]

Taurus’ best romantic matches are also earth signs – Virgo and Capricorn.You’re a giver, and all you ask for in return is a committed relationship where you feel safe. Just keep your possessiveness and jealousy in check. [i hate people who dont commit whether it be relationships or just random things. big turn off. i hate cheaters the most.]


Health
Taurus rules the neck and face. You probably have a soft and striking voice, providing to music to other people’s ears. You were also blessed with a beautiful neck and collarbone as well as a clear complexion.Some health problems you may encounter: Colds, coughs, laryngitis, stiff necks and thyroid gland issues. Taurus' love for food and a tendency to be lazy puts you at risk of gaining weight, especially in your later years. [ahahahahaaha so freaking true! i'm a little thick if you know what i'm saying lmao. i lvoe being thick though. :DDDD sooo much fun! the only thing thats nawt fun about it is not being able to wear some of the cute clothing because it looks better on the grossly skinny chix. (oh another novel)]


However, when you’re motivated to get up and get moving, you’re quite the athlete.


Career
Taurus' propensity for success and level of makes you a wonderful employee at most jobs.You enjoy positions where you’re responsible for money or can use your keep aesthetic eye, and work best in a day-to-day routine.

The best jobs for a Taurus include: musician, artist, singer, banker, stockbroker, insurance agent, accountant, cashier, real estate agent, florist, woodworker, and antique collector. [i lvoe music! i lvoe art! (just wish i had the chance to craft my craft), i lvoe to sing! (i'm an ok singer, would i make a career out of it? eh, maybe if i wanted to, probably couldnt deal with "blowing up"), i lvoe flowers! my faves are freesias, roses (yellow, white, pink(s)), orchids, pretty much the exotic looking flowers; and antiques are beautiful!!!!!!!!!]

While you’re a solid fixture in your loved ones' lives, embrace change every once in awhile. Or else you’ll never know what you could be missing out on. Are You Too Jealous?

Jealousy [i dunno lol it is true though] may have run rampant in your high school cliques, but isn't it time you grew out of this ugly emotion? [i dunno, i hope!!!!!!!!!] There are different degrees of jealousy, and the way you handle it makes all the difference. Find out if you're too jealous for your own good with this quiz.

Check out Health Bistro, where Lifescript editors let it all hang out. Share it with your friends (it’s free to sign up!), and bookmark it so you don’t miss a single juicy post!

wow, ok.

ya i understand that i am
obeastly fat [yes, thats the way i spelled it]
but dayum!
do you, your mama, daddy, uncle, aunty,
grandfather, AND grandmother
have to say it too?
ugh.
it's annoying
and the reason as to why
i am insecure, depressed, and starving.
[no i don't starve myself, on purpose at least.
sometimes i just don't feel like eating for a
couple/few days, weird, i know].

do you know what the woman i am forced
to call my mother told me?

ok so we planned to go on a trip to LA right,
but she never told me when we were going.
then like on tuesday or wednesday
[week august 16-22]
she tells me that she didn't want to take me to LA
"looking the way [i] did [in fear of embarrasment maybe?]
and that "[i] looked better now."
i told her i lost weight because i havent been eating
and she didn't say anything.

ok so you mean to tell me
that it's okay for me to lose weight because i am eating every 2 days
instead of working out?
i was and still am very appalled
by my mother's actions.
i seriously refuse to go to LA now.
like i wanted to sooo bad, but eff it.
i felt like crying.

this is why i can't stand living in my house.

and my dad = another story.
let's just say he's an annoying,
controlling, manipulative, lying,
unimportant, violent, goolish,
unworthy, child favorite picker.

sometimes i wish i could just win the lottery
and build a ginormous house in the SF hills
so i can be alooooone.
i'm used to it anyhow.

blaaaaaah

let's talk:

ok so
we need to talk about the use of the word virgin. [lol]
virgin, like many other "popular" words,
is used in so many ways its sort of interesting.

there's
property virgin [as in housing]
virgin hair
extra virgin olive oil [evoo as rachel ray says]

and then there's
virgin mobile
virgin atlantic airlines
virgin records

there's a music group called the virgins

virgin words

there's also being a virgin
in your mouth,
your axx,
or vagina [or va-guy-na as bruno says lol].

whatever happend to the biblical meaning of virgin:

1. a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. an unmarried girl or woman.
3. Ecclesiastical. an unmarried, religious woman, esp. a saint.
4. the Virgin, Mary, the mother of Christ.
5. Informal. any person who is uninitiated, uninformed, or the like: He's still a virgin as far as hard work is concerned. [ a virgin girl or boy will usually be uninitiated and uninformed]

–adjective
9. being a virgin: a virgin martyr.
10. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a virgin: virgin modesty.

i dunno just a thought.

and yes i'm a virgin
so i find some of the uses insulting
[ahahaha jk]

acceptance.

i just came across this thought today,
well just now actually.
and i am aware that other people
may have thought of it as well,

but

the only way for people to accept our [african american] hair,
is for them to accept their hair as well.
not all white or other ethnic people have straight hair.
a majority of them have
wavy or curly hair,
but straighten it whether with heat,
or chemicals.

some do accept their hair
and might only straighten on occasion,
while others straighten their hair religiously.
by reducing the amount of heat and chemical styling,
they will be able to embrace their hair
and embrace ours as well.

if you have curly hair on your head,
you wouldn't discourage someone else
who has almost the same type of hair as you right?
so therefore,
stop altering your hair regardless of your ethnicity,
and you will come to terms with other peoples hair.

capish? **in an italian accent...lol