i was looking at some old pictures
of myself in my old camera
and i looked
H A P P Y .
like nothing could tear me down.
i don't know what happened to her.
but i've got to get her back--
i hate New Year Resolutions,
but this year i just might make a
list with one resolution on it:
TO BE HAPPY.
the new year is about
4 months-ish from now, but thats mine.
i seriously hope and pray
to be happy.
as mary j, says:
"All I really want, is to be happy"
i know she's speaking of lvoe
in that song,
but maybe thats what i,
need to be happy.
sounds crazy, i know lol
i paused before i typed that.
but i don't know.
whatever God plans for me,
i am okay with.
whether it be lvoe,
new friendships,
money
[ha! "money can't buy you everything/happiness],
a new calling,
i hope it is what i need to be happy.
8.31.2009
info about taurus
i think i've posted something like this before, but oh well
[i forgot where i got this from, oops!]:
True to the mascot of the Taurus, your stubbornness is the root of your resolve [ahahaha part of the reason why i don't get along with my father]. You’re highly motivated to finish something you start. Why put in blood, sweat and tears without seeing the fruits of your labor? Because you work so hard at completing your goals – especially in your career – you value a hard-earned buck.
In fact, money is the object of your desire. It’s not that you’re greedy; it’s just that your financial situation affects how stable you feel. Plus, you enjoy the finer things in life – good food and drink and high-end things for yourself and your home. [i lvoe everything luxurious and extravagant, especially when i can get it for an EXTREMELY good/cheap price :D]
But when it comes to sharing, you’d rather protect your treasures and keep them to yourself. [unless i reaaaallly like you]
One thing Taurus is not is a risk taker. Your fixed zodiac quality represents your resistance to change.While practical, you aren’t particularly interested in trying new things. Change makes you feel uneasy and vulnerable. You crave stability and are comfortable with the familiar. [change is scary for me, i try, but it never works. im slower to change than most and have to do it gradually or else i'll have a panic attack!]
This sign’s cool, calm and collected exterior hides a tenacious temper. Rarely do you unleash it on others, unless you’re seriously provoked or attacked.Beneath your down-to-earth, easy-going personality lies someone who’s very romantic and concerned with matters of the heart. [exactly like a bull. lol they only attack or get dangerous when provoked]
Relationships
Taurus often have a difficult time meeting new people – you can be reserved and self-conscious around strangers. [people think i'm cocky because of that, well if you dont know, know you know] You’re more of a self-contained soul.But your inner circle of friends knows they can count on your shoulder to cry on. You have a knack for offering sound advice with a loving touch.When it comes to romantic relationships, you’re very affectionate and sensual. You prefer a steady courtship and rarely rush in to a relationship. [i think i would seriously have to "talk" to / date someone for mooonths before we can be a "couple]
Taurus’ best romantic matches are also earth signs – Virgo and Capricorn.You’re a giver, and all you ask for in return is a committed relationship where you feel safe. Just keep your possessiveness and jealousy in check. [i hate people who dont commit whether it be relationships or just random things. big turn off. i hate cheaters the most.]
Health
Taurus rules the neck and face. You probably have a soft and striking voice, providing to music to other people’s ears. You were also blessed with a beautiful neck and collarbone as well as a clear complexion.Some health problems you may encounter: Colds, coughs, laryngitis, stiff necks and thyroid gland issues. Taurus' love for food and a tendency to be lazy puts you at risk of gaining weight, especially in your later years. [ahahahahaaha so freaking true! i'm a little thick if you know what i'm saying lmao. i lvoe being thick though. :DDDD sooo much fun! the only thing thats nawt fun about it is not being able to wear some of the cute clothing because it looks better on the grossly skinny chix. (oh another novel)]
However, when you’re motivated to get up and get moving, you’re quite the athlete.
Career
Taurus' propensity for success and level of makes you a wonderful employee at most jobs.You enjoy positions where you’re responsible for money or can use your keep aesthetic eye, and work best in a day-to-day routine.
The best jobs for a Taurus include: musician, artist, singer, banker, stockbroker, insurance agent, accountant, cashier, real estate agent, florist, woodworker, and antique collector. [i lvoe music! i lvoe art! (just wish i had the chance to craft my craft), i lvoe to sing! (i'm an ok singer, would i make a career out of it? eh, maybe if i wanted to, probably couldnt deal with "blowing up"), i lvoe flowers! my faves are freesias, roses (yellow, white, pink(s)), orchids, pretty much the exotic looking flowers; and antiques are beautiful!!!!!!!!!]
While you’re a solid fixture in your loved ones' lives, embrace change every once in awhile. Or else you’ll never know what you could be missing out on. Are You Too Jealous?
Jealousy [i dunno lol it is true though] may have run rampant in your high school cliques, but isn't it time you grew out of this ugly emotion? [i dunno, i hope!!!!!!!!!] There are different degrees of jealousy, and the way you handle it makes all the difference. Find out if you're too jealous for your own good with this quiz.
Check out Health Bistro, where Lifescript editors let it all hang out. Share it with your friends (it’s free to sign up!), and bookmark it so you don’t miss a single juicy post!
[i forgot where i got this from, oops!]:
True to the mascot of the Taurus, your stubbornness is the root of your resolve [ahahaha part of the reason why i don't get along with my father]. You’re highly motivated to finish something you start. Why put in blood, sweat and tears without seeing the fruits of your labor? Because you work so hard at completing your goals – especially in your career – you value a hard-earned buck.
In fact, money is the object of your desire. It’s not that you’re greedy; it’s just that your financial situation affects how stable you feel. Plus, you enjoy the finer things in life – good food and drink and high-end things for yourself and your home. [i lvoe everything luxurious and extravagant, especially when i can get it for an EXTREMELY good/cheap price :D]
But when it comes to sharing, you’d rather protect your treasures and keep them to yourself. [unless i reaaaallly like you]
One thing Taurus is not is a risk taker. Your fixed zodiac quality represents your resistance to change.While practical, you aren’t particularly interested in trying new things. Change makes you feel uneasy and vulnerable. You crave stability and are comfortable with the familiar. [change is scary for me, i try, but it never works. im slower to change than most and have to do it gradually or else i'll have a panic attack!]
This sign’s cool, calm and collected exterior hides a tenacious temper. Rarely do you unleash it on others, unless you’re seriously provoked or attacked.Beneath your down-to-earth, easy-going personality lies someone who’s very romantic and concerned with matters of the heart. [exactly like a bull. lol they only attack or get dangerous when provoked]
Relationships
Taurus often have a difficult time meeting new people – you can be reserved and self-conscious around strangers. [people think i'm cocky because of that, well if you dont know, know you know] You’re more of a self-contained soul.But your inner circle of friends knows they can count on your shoulder to cry on. You have a knack for offering sound advice with a loving touch.When it comes to romantic relationships, you’re very affectionate and sensual. You prefer a steady courtship and rarely rush in to a relationship. [i think i would seriously have to "talk" to / date someone for mooonths before we can be a "couple]
Taurus’ best romantic matches are also earth signs – Virgo and Capricorn.You’re a giver, and all you ask for in return is a committed relationship where you feel safe. Just keep your possessiveness and jealousy in check. [i hate people who dont commit whether it be relationships or just random things. big turn off. i hate cheaters the most.]
Health
Taurus rules the neck and face. You probably have a soft and striking voice, providing to music to other people’s ears. You were also blessed with a beautiful neck and collarbone as well as a clear complexion.Some health problems you may encounter: Colds, coughs, laryngitis, stiff necks and thyroid gland issues. Taurus' love for food and a tendency to be lazy puts you at risk of gaining weight, especially in your later years. [ahahahahaaha so freaking true! i'm a little thick if you know what i'm saying lmao. i lvoe being thick though. :DDDD sooo much fun! the only thing thats nawt fun about it is not being able to wear some of the cute clothing because it looks better on the grossly skinny chix. (oh another novel)]
However, when you’re motivated to get up and get moving, you’re quite the athlete.
Career
Taurus' propensity for success and level of makes you a wonderful employee at most jobs.You enjoy positions where you’re responsible for money or can use your keep aesthetic eye, and work best in a day-to-day routine.
The best jobs for a Taurus include: musician, artist, singer, banker, stockbroker, insurance agent, accountant, cashier, real estate agent, florist, woodworker, and antique collector. [i lvoe music! i lvoe art! (just wish i had the chance to craft my craft), i lvoe to sing! (i'm an ok singer, would i make a career out of it? eh, maybe if i wanted to, probably couldnt deal with "blowing up"), i lvoe flowers! my faves are freesias, roses (yellow, white, pink(s)), orchids, pretty much the exotic looking flowers; and antiques are beautiful!!!!!!!!!]
While you’re a solid fixture in your loved ones' lives, embrace change every once in awhile. Or else you’ll never know what you could be missing out on. Are You Too Jealous?
Jealousy [i dunno lol it is true though] may have run rampant in your high school cliques, but isn't it time you grew out of this ugly emotion? [i dunno, i hope!!!!!!!!!] There are different degrees of jealousy, and the way you handle it makes all the difference. Find out if you're too jealous for your own good with this quiz.
Check out Health Bistro, where Lifescript editors let it all hang out. Share it with your friends (it’s free to sign up!), and bookmark it so you don’t miss a single juicy post!
8.23.2009
wow, ok.
ya i understand that i am
obeastly fat [yes, thats the way i spelled it]
but dayum!
do you, your mama, daddy, uncle, aunty,
grandfather, AND grandmother
have to say it too?
ugh.
it's annoying
and the reason as to why
i am insecure, depressed, and starving.
[no i don't starve myself, on purpose at least.
sometimes i just don't feel like eating for a
couple/few days, weird, i know].
do you know what the woman i am forced
to call my mother told me?
ok so we planned to go on a trip to LA right,
but she never told me when we were going.
then like on tuesday or wednesday
[week august 16-22]
she tells me that she didn't want to take me to LA
"looking the way [i] did [in fear of embarrasment maybe?]
and that "[i] looked better now."
i told her i lost weight because i havent been eating
and she didn't say anything.
ok so you mean to tell me
that it's okay for me to lose weight because i am eating every 2 days
instead of working out?
i was and still am very appalled
by my mother's actions.
i seriously refuse to go to LA now.
like i wanted to sooo bad, but eff it.
i felt like crying.
this is why i can't stand living in my house.
and my dad = another story.
let's just say he's an annoying,
controlling, manipulative, lying,
unimportant, violent, goolish,
unworthy, child favorite picker.
sometimes i wish i could just win the lottery
and build a ginormous house in the SF hills
so i can be alooooone.
i'm used to it anyhow.
blaaaaaah
obeastly fat [yes, thats the way i spelled it]
but dayum!
do you, your mama, daddy, uncle, aunty,
grandfather, AND grandmother
have to say it too?
ugh.
it's annoying
and the reason as to why
i am insecure, depressed, and starving.
[no i don't starve myself, on purpose at least.
sometimes i just don't feel like eating for a
couple/few days, weird, i know].
do you know what the woman i am forced
to call my mother told me?
ok so we planned to go on a trip to LA right,
but she never told me when we were going.
then like on tuesday or wednesday
[week august 16-22]
she tells me that she didn't want to take me to LA
"looking the way [i] did [in fear of embarrasment maybe?]
and that "[i] looked better now."
i told her i lost weight because i havent been eating
and she didn't say anything.
ok so you mean to tell me
that it's okay for me to lose weight because i am eating every 2 days
instead of working out?
i was and still am very appalled
by my mother's actions.
i seriously refuse to go to LA now.
like i wanted to sooo bad, but eff it.
i felt like crying.
this is why i can't stand living in my house.
and my dad = another story.
let's just say he's an annoying,
controlling, manipulative, lying,
unimportant, violent, goolish,
unworthy, child favorite picker.
sometimes i wish i could just win the lottery
and build a ginormous house in the SF hills
so i can be alooooone.
i'm used to it anyhow.
blaaaaaah
7.31.2009
let's talk:
ok so
we need to talk about the use of the word virgin. [lol]
virgin, like many other "popular" words,
is used in so many ways its sort of interesting.
there's
property virgin [as in housing]
virgin hair
extra virgin olive oil [evoo as rachel ray says]
and then there's
virgin mobile
virgin atlantic airlines
virgin records
there's a music group called the virgins
virgin words
there's also being a virgin
in your mouth,
your axx,
or vagina [or va-guy-na as bruno says lol].
whatever happend to the biblical meaning of virgin:
1. a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. an unmarried girl or woman.
3. Ecclesiastical. an unmarried, religious woman, esp. a saint.
4. the Virgin, Mary, the mother of Christ.
5. Informal. any person who is uninitiated, uninformed, or the like: He's still a virgin as far as hard work is concerned. [ a virgin girl or boy will usually be uninitiated and uninformed]
–adjective
9. being a virgin: a virgin martyr.
10. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a virgin: virgin modesty.
i dunno just a thought.
and yes i'm a virgin
so i find some of the uses insulting
[ahahaha jk]
we need to talk about the use of the word virgin. [lol]
virgin, like many other "popular" words,
is used in so many ways its sort of interesting.
there's
property virgin [as in housing]
virgin hair
extra virgin olive oil [evoo as rachel ray says]
and then there's
virgin mobile
virgin atlantic airlines
virgin records
there's a music group called the virgins
virgin words
there's also being a virgin
in your mouth,
your axx,
or vagina [or va-guy-na as bruno says lol].
whatever happend to the biblical meaning of virgin:
1. a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. an unmarried girl or woman.
3. Ecclesiastical. an unmarried, religious woman, esp. a saint.
4. the Virgin, Mary, the mother of Christ.
5. Informal. any person who is uninitiated, uninformed, or the like: He's still a virgin as far as hard work is concerned. [ a virgin girl or boy will usually be uninitiated and uninformed]
–adjective
9. being a virgin: a virgin martyr.
10. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a virgin: virgin modesty.
i dunno just a thought.
and yes i'm a virgin
so i find some of the uses insulting
[ahahaha jk]
7.28.2009
acceptance.
i just came across this thought today,
well just now actually.
and i am aware that other people
may have thought of it as well,
but
the only way for people to accept our [african american] hair,
is for them to accept their hair as well.
not all white or other ethnic people have straight hair.
a majority of them have
wavy or curly hair,
but straighten it whether with heat,
or chemicals.
some do accept their hair
and might only straighten on occasion,
while others straighten their hair religiously.
by reducing the amount of heat and chemical styling,
they will be able to embrace their hair
and embrace ours as well.
if you have curly hair on your head,
you wouldn't discourage someone else
who has almost the same type of hair as you right?
so therefore,
stop altering your hair regardless of your ethnicity,
and you will come to terms with other peoples hair.
capish? **in an italian accent...lol
well just now actually.
and i am aware that other people
may have thought of it as well,
but
the only way for people to accept our [african american] hair,
is for them to accept their hair as well.
not all white or other ethnic people have straight hair.
a majority of them have
wavy or curly hair,
but straighten it whether with heat,
or chemicals.
some do accept their hair
and might only straighten on occasion,
while others straighten their hair religiously.
by reducing the amount of heat and chemical styling,
they will be able to embrace their hair
and embrace ours as well.
if you have curly hair on your head,
you wouldn't discourage someone else
who has almost the same type of hair as you right?
so therefore,
stop altering your hair regardless of your ethnicity,
and you will come to terms with other peoples hair.
capish? **in an italian accent...lol
7.27.2009
raaarrrrr! :D
one more week until i cut my hair!
omg! lol
august 4th seems sooooo far away!
can't wait to see what my natural hair/texture looks like...
hoping not too much chemical damage has been done...
i guess we'll wait and see...
i don't even know how to REALLY take care of natural hair
lol i guess i'll just go along with it as the days roll on by.
aaaaaah! :D i'm excited. can you tell?
omg! lol
august 4th seems sooooo far away!
can't wait to see what my natural hair/texture looks like...
hoping not too much chemical damage has been done...
i guess we'll wait and see...
i don't even know how to REALLY take care of natural hair
lol i guess i'll just go along with it as the days roll on by.
aaaaaah! :D i'm excited. can you tell?
welp.
i think i'm starting to lvoe my hair!
i haven't chopped off my relaxed ends...
next week! [yaaaay!]
but from what i've seen i'm okay with it.
when i first started to grow
out my hair i wanted it to look like this:
but i think i'm okay with it being a little tighter.
well actually i think my hair has every single type of
hair there is except straight lol.
i think it has:
a smaller wave in the front [type 4b?]
a tighter curl in the middle [type 4a ]
a loser curl in the back[type 3c]
i really like tighter curls because
it looks a lot bouncier and is cool! lol
but whatever hair i do have
[i'll know for sure after my cut]
i will appreciate and lvoe it.
when i first started my transitioning phase,
i really wanted that larger curl,
but now it's whatever...
i just want healthy, strong hair that doesn't
break off more than it should...
:DDDDD
addition:
what i didn't realize before
was that my hair will grow in whatever way it wants to grow.
hair is genetics.
i can't force it to look the way i want it.
if someone would have told me that you can
grown whatever haur you want
by thinking really hard, wishing on a shooting star, and eating weird dirt
i think i would have!
but this transitioning phase has made me
realize that i can't do that.
and i shouldn't do that.
i just to need to let my hair hang out and be free.
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