Taurus Horoscopes
(Apr 20 - May 20)
Yesterday Today Tomorrow
Monday, Mar 30th, 2009

-- A relaxing weekend quickly fades into the distant past on this busy day. It may be challenging to keep up with all that's going on now, but you'll just have to grit your teeth and do what you must. Although you may resist at first, you could actually be inspired once you find a creative voice that's in touch with your hopes and dreams.

kids maybe?

i don't know yet. i was thinking about how when people have kids, they are their pride & joy. however, as their little pride & joy grows up into the world, they change--of course people change, but in our world today; all the violence, loss of respect, drugs, diseases, pre-marital sex / raging hormones, prostitution, rape, molestation [by mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, grandfathers, and grandfathers], etc.--the way children change today is for the worse. some children will kill their parents, some won't. some children will hurt other people, some won't. some children will become addicted to drugs, some won't. there is a 50/50 chance that your child will turn on you.

do i really want to bring up a child in this world?

i kind of understand why my mom did what she did; by alienating me from the dangers of the world, i've become naive--not the naive that doesn't recognize when something is wrong/sounds right--the naive that hasn't experienced many of the hardships many people have been through [i don't understand that myself].

the world is a crazy place. people are almost "trained" to become serial killers; some will be "trained" to be psychopaths; some will be "trained" to spread open their legs for anything that walks and has a penis, or stick it in anything that has a vagina; some will be "trained" to be hurt or partake in the hurting of other people. it brings tears to my eyes really.

will my kid(s) hate me? will my kid(s) lvoe themselves enough to know that they don't need to conform to what is going on around them? will my kid(s) be comfortable in life? will my kid(s) be able to handle the hardships of life? i don't know. no one does, but these concerns continuously play in my mind. i wonder if my kid(s) will make me happy and proud or break my heart. i hate being hurt, and i would hate for my kids to be hurt as well. especially with the whites of america setting up anyone who is a color other than pink/white for failure. ever since taking sociology, my world, my senses have been open. it is that "thing" that made me wonder if i should bring a kid into this world.

is it really worth it?

at any given moment, something could happen in our life as a family. if i do end up having a kid or two, i want them to be lvoed. i want to bring her/him/them up in a positive environment. i want her/him/them to be aware of the world at an early age. i want her/him/them to know and understand the way the world works so they won't be caught up in the madness. i know i can't change the way the world works, but i at least want to be able to change the way my kid(s) live in it. i want my kid(s) to smell the flowers and appreciate them. i want my kid(s) to go to the museum, and appreciate the works that lie there. i want my kid(s) to go to school, and appreciate the education they are given (and when they get home, they will receive more because the school system is hiding the important stuff). i want my kid(s) to appreciate life. with that appreciation, i believe it will keep them from all of the "bad things."

although i am too young now, i am still thinking about it.

finally!

WINTER 2009 quarter is over!

this quarter i've learned many lessons: from the "late night study sessions"; to the "early morning study sessions"; and the completethedaybeforeitisdue assignments...i have learned to start assignments the day they arrive in my hand, to time myself so i won't stay up until 4:30 in the morning trying hurry up and complete an assignment that should be due in 8 hours...

this quarter i have also learned that i need to stay focused on me, i need to be selfish, i am not going to school for anyone, but me! shopping, going out to eat, going to my friend's houses is fun, but needs to be done at a time where i've completed what needs to be done. i cannot jeorpordize my future, because i wanted to have fun. one of my good friends almost ended a quarter with a c- because she didn't complete an essay--all she did was party and go to different cities...i do not want that to be me...of course there is time for pleasure and play. however, that time is not now.

overall,
i feel V E R Y relieved. even though SPRING quarter is coming up in about a week, i feel relaxed and superly excited to be in human sexuality next quarter...o yaaaa! score! ;D one more quarter 'til summer...and considering SUMMER quarter, but not too sure if i want to take that plundge yet...

migraine...

i can sense one coming on it about....
8 hours.....
ugh.

bottle.

keeping shxt bottled up inside is not good for anyones health.

dear father,

the only time
you [old piece of shxt] want to
really speak to me
is when you're yelling at me.
i'm so tired of living in my house.
how can you listen to someone
who you feel doesnt lvoe you?
this is the exact reason why i hate being home.
i don't feel like i'm lvoed here.
you [ops] lie and say that
you pay for my food and clothing...
wtf?
you don't pay for shxt!
you havent paid for anything including the name "maribel"
since i was 12.
the main reason is because
you dont want your other children
to know that you even care for me.
you don't care.
so stop trying to act like you do
in front of everyone else.
i should embarass your axx one of these days.
you always want to talk big shxt,
but never live up to the shxt you say.
sometimes i sit in car
wanting to be involved in an accident
so i won't have to go through this shxt anymore.
this is bullshxt.
i hate you and fxck off.
if you were my real father,
i would see it.
but you're not.
i wish you werent shxt to me,
but you just had to stick 23 chromosomes
on to my DNA.
i don't think i'll ever be happy with you here.
and thats a fact.
i'm depressed all the time.
i havent really cared for myself in a long time.
my soul is lost.
and it's all because of you.
i hate you.

i think i miss you.
all of the emotions;
the struggles,
the wins,
the losses,
the blood,
sweat,
and tears.

i think i miss you.
becoming one as we constructed
the different positions.
playing with you was wild.
trying to keep us as one;
in-sync with one another.
me trying to control you,
you trying to control me.
so cliche,
but it truly was ecstacy.

i think i miss you.
the sound of great victory
when we won eachother over.
you made me a winner.
the excitement,
the increase in lvoe for you.

i think i miss you.
but the different affairs we went through
changed it all.
now we miss eachother.
when will i go back to you?
we were so good...

i still miss you.

maribel vs. what's her face.

maribel:
quiet & nice.
simple, calm, chill.
the brainy/nerdy one.
thinks with her gut,
is caring, and independent.
knows when to get serious.
depressed.
lazy.
watches the tele all day.
trustworthy-will never let you down.
doesn't lie.
needy.
is a winer [happily :D]
color = turquoise.
music taste = soul, neo-soul, r&b, jazz.
style = laidback, a little matchy at times
[you can find her in a sweater and some jeans on certain days]

whats her face:
loud & obnoxious.
doesn't care about other people's feelings.
abundant in sex appeal--a little too abundant.
lies.
drinks, does drugs [not crazy ones].
not very reliable.
selfish.
does crazy things.
ain't afraid of shxt.
has road rage.
color = coral.
music taste = electro, hip-hop, club refixes
style = dressed up, hoochie mommmmaaaaaa!

i have no idea why i posted this,
but for the record:
i believe in alter egos, and believe i have one as well.